Preacher Funnies

The following happened at a small country church near Freed-Hardeman University in Tennessee. Brother Eugene Hibbett, recently retired from Freed-Hardeman University, tells about preaching for a small country church in Tennessee where the husband of' one of the members had attended for years, but had never obeyed the Gospel. One Sunday after the morning service, brother Hibbett went to his home, studied with him and was thrilled when the man agreed to return to the building to be baptized into Christ.

Because it was a small congregation, the newly baptized brother was the only one taking communion at the evening service. They passed the bread, and he partook without incident. Similarly, he drank of the cup. But then they passed the offering plate. It was of old design, made of brass and rather deep. He looked at it, not knowing what it was, and finally -- spit in it! Brother Hibbett says that after the man realized what he had done, he was so embarrassed that it took a long time to ever get him to come back.

Several years ago I was called upon to perform a wedding for a man and woman who were both in their sixties. The bride wore a blue flowered dress and carried a bouquet of artificial flowers, glass vase and all. She was cute to behold, as she had a potbelly and appeared to be toothless. The groom came to the wedding in blue jeans and wore an old beige colored shirt. He was also a snuff user as it was showing in the crevices that extended down from the corners of his mouth. With the church building filled to capacity and time for the ceremony to begin, the groom turned and asked me in a loud voice, "Is ten dollars enough Larry?" I answered "Yes, that is fine." The bride entered and the ceremony began. Part way through the ceremony, the groom got confused and started to kiss his bride. This of course caused some chuckles from those present. After the ceremony, the newly wed husband told me in jest that in the morning he was going to suggest to his bride that she should put his pants on and when she refused, he was going to tell her, "Just remember who wears the pants in this family." After being married, they lived happily in a one-room shanty and when visiting the neighbors, the husband drove a riding lawnmower with his new bride in a cart behind him.

[Editor's Note: Preachers are invited to submit amusing incidents that have occurred over the years during their ministries for possible inclusion in the pages of Gospel Gazette Online. Someday, these stories may also be converted to book format.]